


I Try And Try

by orphan_account



Series: Please Don't Leave [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, im sad, its sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 05:13:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13474401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He tries, and fails.





	I Try And Try

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THERE IS SOMETHING SENSITIVE THAT OCCURS BUT I CANT SAY IT WITHOUT SPOILING IT. READ WITH CAUTION

Kihyun wakes up disoriented around 3 A.M. He thinks it's going to be to Hyungwon finally talking to him about everything, but it's not. He just woke up for no reason.

He sighs, groaning softly when he realizes he needs to go blow his nose. He's probably getting sick, and he notes to make sure his boyfriend doesn't get too close to him until he is over it.

He stumbles into the bathroom and rubs his eyes. He turns on the light, but his blood runs cold as he looks at what is in front of him.

He stares in horror at his boyfriend. He is in the bathtub, his long legs over the sides, and a pill bottle in his hand. He is still wearing those black skinny jeans and a white T-shirt, both that he was wearing earlier, for some reason even slept in. He is completely unconscious and Kihyun listens to how slow he is breathing. He tries not to panic as he stumbles closer to feel the brunette's pulse. It is too slow for Kihyun's comfort. 

He rips the bottle from Hyungwon's hand. He blames himself. He should have went to bed with him. He should have comforted him when he needed it. He should have woken up when Hyungwon cried as he shoved the pills into his mouth.

_Oxycontin. What the hell is he doing with this?_

It is prescribed to someone who definitely isn't Hyungwon. He has no idea how he got it, but more importantly he notes the bottle is completely empty.

He rushes as quickly as he can to his room to grab his phone. He calls 911. Once they confirm they are on their way, he hangs up. He stumbles around in the dark to change clothes He pulls on a hoodie, white skinny jeans, and his shoes. He doesn't pull on a face mask, even though it's likely some may recognize him. He slips his shoes on.

He returns to the bathroom, pacing as he runs a hand through his hair. He finally decides he has to pull Hyungwon out. He struggles, but he manages to shuffle Hyungwon into his lap. He gently plays with the fabric of Hyungwon's shirt. He wants to cry. Hyungwon is sitting in his lap barely breathing because Kihyun didn't wake up to save him. He made no effort to ask to sleep with him.

_What if my last words to him aren't telling him how much I love him?_

After a while, the ambulance finally arrives. He doesn't wake the other members. He opens the front door and leads them to the bathroom, asking them to be as quiet as possible. They pick up Hyungwon and exit, Kihyun close behind. He settles into the back of the vehicle.

He will call the manager soon, but Hyungwon needs to see him first. The manager wouldn't let Kihyun stay, so this is his only option.

They are speaking to him, but he can't hear it. All he is focused on is Hyungwon's hand in his and how limp it is. It's like a dead person's. Even in his sleep, Hyungwon always squeezes Kihyun's hand back, but not this time.

"Sir, what did he take?" One of them asked again.

Kihyun feels dizzy. He reaches into his pocket and hands them the bottle. He rests his head on Hyungwon's stomach because he doesn't want to look at what they might do to him.

When they arrive, they leave Kihyun in the lobby. He is disoriented. He wants to go back with Hyungwon, beg the doctors to fix him. If he could give his life for Hyungwon, he would. He'd ask them to take his life instead. 

_I can't do this without him._

Kihyun spaces out after filling out paperwork, and by the time he is pulled from his mind, the doctors are calling for him. His phone rings. He has 3 missed calls from the company and 27 from Hyunwoo. He turns off his screen. It's almost 6 A.M. and he wants to be the first to see Hyungwon. It's his fault anyways.

The doctor smiles sadly. "Room 235. We aren't sure when he'll wake up. We gave him Narcan, which should reverse the effects of the overdose, but we aren't sure how long ago he took all of them. Our plan is to keep him here overnight and transfer him to psych tomorrow morning."

Kihyun bows and actually runs to Hyungwon's room. Sure enough, Hyungwon lies on the bed unconscious. He is hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. His skin is almost as pale as the white sheets and walls. He's not Hyungwon, he's just a dying body.

He sits in the seat next to the bed, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes. He can barely see. He rests his head on the edge of the bed and holds Hyungwon's hands.

He falls asleep, his forgotten phone still in his pocket ringing.

-

The main vocalist wakes up to his hand being moved. He almost groans, but then he remembers there's someone attached to his hand. He quickly sits up. Sure enough, the visual is looking around and pulling his hand from Kihyun's grip.

"Hyungwon!" Kihyun smiles brightly.

Hyungwon looks at him confused. "I'm...still here?"

Kihyun's smile falls. Hyungwon is disappointed because he is still alive. He doesn't want to be here. He tried to end it all, he tried to leave Kihyun.

"Yeah, you are. They said you'll be okay." He paused. "Did you do this? You should have woken me if you were upset. I should have slept with you, I'm so so sorry."

Hyungwon freezes. The room falls silent. Kihyun pulls himself to sit on the edge of the bed.

He traces Hyungwon's jawline. "We care about you. I care about you. Hyungwon, I don't want to do this without you. Please don't make me." Kihyun's fingers drifted across Hyungwon's lips. They were soft and warm. "I love you so fucking much."

"I can't do this!" He pushes Kihyun's hand away. "Stop acting like you care. I'm not worth it. I'm just a face. I have no qualities. You care about me because you have to!"

"You think I'm pretending to like you? I cried in the lobby for an hour. If you'd die, I'd rather be the one. I'd give you my life." Kihyun lifts himself up so he can straddle Hyungwon and run a hand through the other's hair. "Please don't do this. Don't push me away and lock youself up. Don't act like I don't know you."

"You don't, Ki. You don't. You don't know what it's like to be the least like member. If there's something wrong with my hair one day, it's digusting, but if it was Jooheon it'd be cute. I don't get any lines, any recognition no matter how much I try. It doesn't matter because I'm just a pretty face, a visual with no talent. Have you seen how many people want me to leave? I want myself to leave, Ki. I don't want to be here or anywhere."

Kihyun pulls his own hair in frustration. "Hyungwon, if it's about the lines, you can take all of mine. Does it really matter what our individual fans think of us? What about what I think, huh? I'm your boyfriend, so shouldn't my opinion matter too?"

Hyungwon reaches to intertwine his fingers with Kihyun's. "I just don't add to the group. Now, can we please stop talking about that? I'm just so tired."

Kihyun presses his lips against Hyungwon's. "What do you want to talk about, kitten?"

"Just let me sleep."

Kihyun reajusts himself to sit behind Hyungwon with his legs on either side of him. Hyungwon leans back and closes his eye. Kihyun's hands are gently rubbing his stomach, mostly because he can't keep his hands to himself and he really loves Hyungwon's stomach.

"Are you angry with me?" Hyungwon asks quietly. He starts playing with Kihyun's fingers to distract him.

"No, never. I just love you so much, kitten. I don't want to lose you, but you won't listen to me."

He glances over to see Hyungwon is already fast asleep. He sighs and picks his phone up from the side table.

**_10:56_ **   
_78 Missed Calls from Hyunwoo_   
_3 Missed Calls from Hoseok_   
_134 Missed Calls from Starship_

He groans softly. He knew he should've called them once they arrived at the hospital, but he really wanted to keep Hyungwon to himself. It was stupid and selfish, but he needed to be the first one to talk to Hyungwon.

He decides to call back Hyunwoo.

"Hello? Kihyun? Where are you!? Where is Hyungwon?" Hyunwoo sounds angry on the other end.

Kihyun nervously occupies himself by resuming rubbing his boyfriend's stomach. Seriously, he needs to eat more. "We are okay, it's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Kihyun, do you understand Starship is considering punishment for the entire group because you've been missing since before 5 A.M.? They want to restrict our outside limits even more, and we'll probably lose our phones. Whatever stupid thing you're-"

"Hyungwon's in the hospital," he blurts out. The line falls silent so he continues. "I should have called, I know. I woke up at 3 and I found him passed out in the bathtub. He tried to kill himself Hyunwoo, isn't that a good enough reason?"

"What place and room number?"  Kihyun hears shuffling on the other end.

"Look, I'm handling, I think I should-"

"You don't get to make that decision, Kihyun."

Kihyun bites his lip and gives him the info. He silently begs that they don't punish him by sending him home. He needs to be here with Hyungwon more than anyone. He probably caused it all.

When the door opens, Kihyun is realived to see that only Hyunwoo and their manager came. He notices that the anger drains from their faces when they see Hyungwon's limp body. The cautiously approach.

"Is he okay?" Hyunwoo sits in the chair next to the bed. He doesn't comment on Kihyun and Hyungwon's poisition.

Kihyun sighs. "He was up an hour ago. He was pretty pissed. I think physically he's going to be okay, but mentally he's going to need time to heal."

Hyunwoo places a hand on Kihyun's knee. "Do you think maybe you guys need a break? I mean, what the hell even happened last night?"

He has to keep himself from crying. "I don't know, I couldn't sleep because he was kicking and trashing all night, so I slept on the couch. Well, he woke me up because he was really upset I didn't sleep with him. He had a nightmare about us getting in a fight"

"Do you think your relationship is okay?"

_I don't know._

"It'll be fine."

The door opens and the doctor walks in. He smiles. "How do we want to approach this?"

"I think," their manager begins, "He should stay here. Do a mental health evaluation. I don't want him home until we are sure he won't hurt himself. I want him to go home to his family first."

The doctor nods. "Understandable. I hope you understand I will only need one person, so two of you need to go home. He needs time."

"I will call his mother as soon as I can."

Hyunwoo pats Kihyun's shoulder. "Let's get home Ki."

Kihyun wants to protest, but they have a point. He needs space.

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 coming soon. Truthfully, im just sad and i couldnt bring myself to edit it.


End file.
